12 reasons why Everyone should vote for Donald Trump

Trump 2016

Donald Trump used to be just a business man. Once in debt around one billion dollars, he managed to negotiate, and get out of debt. Then he became the douche boss at the TV reality The Apprentice. It's all good, everyone are allowed to boost their ego just a bit. Now he's running for the president of the United States. He's the most controversial candidate of ... well, decades? Some people love him blindly, some people simply hate him, some people think he's a clown and that before he gets elected, everyone should see the movie Idiocracy. A movie where an average American is hibernated and forgotten for five centuries. Once he wakes up, he discovers a society so incredibly dumbed down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive.

Well, but back to the point, what are the 12 reasons why everyone should vote for Donald Trump? For that it makes sense to look into his ideas, promises...umm, platform?

The border

The United States of America(s) has had a long tradition of illegal immigrants problem. Trump has a solution for that - he will build a wall a foot taller than the Great Wall of China, the wall will obviously be built along the southern border of the US. It will be the greatest wall that you have ever seen that's also artistically beautiful. And not only - the US won't be paying for it, the Mexicans are.


Obamacare is bullshit, Trump has specific plans to replace it with something totally different. The exact plan is to replace it with something terrific, something "so much better, so much better, so much better." - that's a great plan, isn't it?

Military and space

Trump thinks that too much money is being spent on space exploration and too little on military. He wants to strengthen the military to make it "so big and so strong and so great" that "nobody's going to mess with us." It's not like US is already spending more on military than the next 15 countries combined, is it?


He's also going to bomb the shit out of ISIS. He said so. And no, it's not been done yet, so far US has only landed just a bit more than 20,000 missiles and bombs there since the beginning of the campaign some 16 months ago (well, they also managed to kind of deplete munitions stockpiles by doing that, but who cares). Trump will bomb the shit out of ISIS! What's more, he's going to seize the oil - and...mm, no, US hasn't gone to war for oil before, Trump will be the first to do that.

All in the family

Do you remember your brother who went to fight for ISIS? As we all know, terrorism is a virus. And if your brother has it, there's a good chance you'll soon have the symptoms as well. Trump will help you and your family as he has promised to target and kill the relatives on terrorists (there you go).

And then there's the internet

As we all know ISIS has been recruiting through internet, and he has promised to shut down parts of internet so the terrorist can not use it anymore. Now, while we're at it, it might make sense to shut down the parts that talk shit about Trump as well. After all, it's all for the greater good.

Waterboarding is refreshing

You're a pussy if you don't like waterboarding! Trump has promised to bring it back and go even further. All for the good of the people. And the families. And while we're at it, why waterboard only potential terrorists. Considering Trump will be killing their families anyway, couldn't we waterboard the kids first? Maybe make a new reality out of it like...The Waterboarder?

Where's your birth certificate?

That's a topic close to Trump's heart. If he's elected, (I assume) everyone walking on the streets looking just a bit different (you know, black, or...white, or ... well, like terrorist), you need to carry your birth certificate with you, as he'll want to see it.

Chinese MUST get fat!

Donald Trump said that instead of throwing a state dinner for the Chinese president, he'll be forced to eat McDonald's instead. In your face, Xi Jinping!

Imports will be taxed high

Which sounds like a reasonable idea. And obviously, no other country would answer with the same import taxes towards the States, correct?

Illegals go away! And come back to work!

Right now the low-paid workers are not working, it would seem. When Trump becomes a president, the 11 million illegal immigrants living in the United States will be deported. But Trump promised to allow low-paid foreign workers to come back to the States on temp work visas to pick grapes. After all, nobody else wants to do it.

We will win!

We're going to win so much -- win after win after win -- that you're going to be begging me: 'Please, Mr. President, let us lose once or twice. We can't stand it any more.' And I'm going to say: 'No way. We're going to keep winning. We're never going to lose. We're never, ever going to lose.

And if someone says we're going to lose, we'll waterboard the fuck out of you!

Now, think back to everything you read, and I hope you've had time to watch Idiocracy as well - doesn't it sound like a perfect world after Trump gets elected?

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