Dr. Keith Ablow, Accidental Psychiatrist, Plays Armchair Psychiatrist Instead

Keith Ablow

Article by Garrett Will
...on Fox News, which makes this man hilarious and appear pretty empty-headed. Ablow is the go-to-guy at the sketch comedy troupe that is Fox News, to serve as the vehicle for a specific method of character assassination (most of his targets being undeserving); psychiatric evaluations, sans examinations. The saddest thing is, though, that this practice always backfires on Fox and the guy doing it, given that Ablow hasn't personally met, let alone truly analyzed any of the subjects of his lame excuses for "psychiatric evaluations." Those who observe the rampant unintentional hilarity at Fox News can count this as another brick in the wall for them. As for Keith Ablow, I would count this as a nick on his chances at getting a real job with any organization worth joining.

Does anyone remember when a minor story about Jenna Lyons (a designer with the J. Crew catalogue) painting his young son's toenails pink circulated? It wasn't a big deal at all, and though some circles showed their sad true colors when responding to it (injecting the notion that it had a "cultural impact" on society), it ended up being forgotten. Most sane people moved on and probably went, "Hmm, that's cool" in the end. Well, Ablow doesn't appear to be one of those people I described, because he let loose his frightfully disingenuous, insulting, yet still quite retarded view of the non-issue:

"This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity - homogenizing males and females when the outcome of such "psychological sterilization" [my word choice] is not known." 1

That's pretty professional right there, am I right? He's quite stubborn, though: he's received criticism, and in some cases outright disdain, for throwing out all notions of professionalism in psychiatric practices; yet he refused to back down from his moronic comments. He even re-posted his column on his Facebook page. So not only is the guy clearly malicious to some degree, but he probably breached a copyright rule with Fox News, given that he's a signed contributor. But I digress, the guy isn't a psychiatrist anymore.

Oh, did you think I'd stop there, you ADHD-cursed cretin!? You should be ashamed, you psychopath! There's more juicy stupidity to share about this joke of a "shrink."

When Newt Gingrich was running in the primaries, word of his multiple infidelities broke out and was used against him, sometimes excessively so. When he discussed it with the other comedians at Fox News, he said (with the final result amounting to what is essentially a fellatio session):

"When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we'll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we'll want to let him go after one." 2

It's not like you can't question a man who had actually divorced one of his wives while she was on her deathbed, dying from disease no less. While there's no further details on what really went on, and whether his (past estranged) dying wife wanted that for him or not, it's still somewhat questionable as to why he's unfaithful. It wasn't the only time he left a woman he was with for another one. Even Fox News admitted it, though they had predictably downplayed it (admittedly, the story was not all that pressing a matter to begin with). But when a guy waxes psychiatric genius, without the need for clinical examination at that, manages to effectively kiss Newt's ass by espousing infidelity in presidential candidates (or anyone for that matter), then you know the guy has problems. Might it be that he's a suck-up? Read on further for more laughs.

I remember watching a bit of the VP debate in October, though I couldn't stand it for long due to my sheer dislike of televised "debates." Biden was overwhelmingly reported as the "winner" of the poop-flinging display as it truthfully was, but that's not the important part. Since Fox News was up in arms over a generally perceived victory by "Boss" Biden (is that what some people call him?) , they had to pull every string possible to try and diminish him in any way possible. Cue the psychiatrist without a clue; Dr. Keith Ablow! He made the following statement, and as you may be thinking already, "He's done it again!"

"I did not evaluate Joe Biden, but if someone said to me, we want you to do what's really required to know what happened there, you have to put dementia on the differential diagnosis. You have to say, bizarre laughter, interrupting. If this were your dad or your grandfather, wouldn't you say if you brought him to me, Keith, you've got to tell me, is he suffering with dementia? Because he can't seem to listen, he's laughing inappropriately." 3

We're laughing at you, not with you.
I don't really have to get into that much more than necessary, but I will describe how preposterous it is in a brief matter. First of all, Keith admitted right at the opener how he "-did not evaulate Joe Biden..." That's pretty stupid of him, since his credibility went right out the window right there, considering the immediate material to follow. Another thing is that, while he was at this armchair psychology B.S., why didn't he do the same with Paul Ryan? Talk about bias on his part, this was certainly it. And he should have his blood-levels checked for alcohol? Ah, trying to paint Biden as a drunk, aren't we Ablow? Problem is, it's well-known that Joe Biden is a tee-totaller; he doesn't even drink.

Lastly, way to play the patsy that you currently are, Ablow. You've lowered yourself to becoming a false-intellectual, ineffectual circus clown; we're laughing at you, not with you. That's not something to be proud of when you play the part each time you appear to say something outlandish every single time.

But these days, I think almost everyone knows about Psy's "Gangnam Style" video, and the dance made popular because of it. Somehow, though, Ablow had to be the guy to make a comment about it. Let's look at a couple snippets of what he said about the video (and the popularity circling it), and please remember; this isn't an obvious attention-grab on his part in any way!

"Speaking psychologically, Gangnam Style is a perfect diversion for our culture, which is already running away from deep thought and deep feeling toward drugs, false identities and false friends of Facebook."3 i


"Gangnam Style may be just a ton of fun and nothing more, but I believe its very nothingness is what makes it so wildly, historically popular, and that its popularity says something concerning about our collective psyche: We want diversion. We want anesthesia. We wish not to be known for who we really are--to be looked in the eye or called out by name on our ideas and ideals. We want - to take the metaphor a bit far - to ride horses that don't even exist, through landscapes filled with pretty people we know nothing about, conveyed through life by fun and an infectious beat, to nowhere special. We want to be drugged - whether by music, or technology, or Adderall - so that we are free of those pesky things called emotion."3 ii

Keith Ablow, in the conclusion of this article, made an excuse for even wasting readers' time with this publication. Just read it for yourself via the sources provided - it's right there. I'm going to write this as a personal note to him (though I know he'll almost certainly never read it):

Grow up, Keith.

You actually are making too much of a hit song. It'll very likely end up a one-hit wonder within very little time, and the steam will have dissipated almost entirely (except for the nostalgic and the begrudged of us). But your attempt to belittle the song, the fans of the song (and dance), and the popularity circling the whole thing are so lame it's laughable. But for comedy sake, and to palm-slapped faces in high supply, please continue playing the part that you do. The only people you ever manage to convince to agree with you are the cretins who adore the tripe that you and your employer produces on a daily basis. Anyone else is either flabbergasted, laughing out loud at your stupidity, or both. Also, did you miss the point, as described by "Psy" himself, that the song is a satire about the culture from which he hails? Yeah, I guess you're doing your job right when you miss everything within.

I'll end this here. If you don't stop reading now then I'll have to conclude that you're an irredeemable case of Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder, and you're probably a predatory stalker to boot. Or maybe I'm projecting my disorders onto you. I don't feel safe writing this piece anymore as there are snipers watching me at this moment. FIN!

1) "J. Crew Plants the Seeds for Gender Identity" - Fox News; April 11, 2011 (that was my 22nd birthday, damn it!)

2) "Newt Gingrich's three marriages mean he might make a strong president --really" FoxNews.com; January 20, 2012

3 i & ii) "The psychological impact of 'Gangnam Style'" FoxNews.com; November 28, 2012

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