Former Holmes Fluffer Worried about Health of Jeremy's Penis

Ron jeremy

Puffy Pillows, famous fluffer to the porn stars, spoke out couple of days ago on her fears that the porn industry's signature phallus might be eroding in stature.

"Ron has not been taking care of himself and his cock is being punished for it," Pillows opined at a book signing yesterday in Dubuque, Iowa. She was there promoting her book Meat Throat: Fluffing, Gagging and Loving Every Minute of It!

"He just looks like hell. I fear that he has diabetes and coronary artery disease. His arteries are probably all clogged with the shit he has been eating all these years. If his arteries are clogged, how the hell is the blood going to get to his cock? It won't!"

Pillows was a long time fluffer in the porn industry. A fluffer is a vital position in porn operations. The fluffer is the person who fellates the male stars in between takes.

illows started out as an intern with John Holmes in the late 70's. Her notoriety grew as Holmes started specifically asking for her on porn shoots. It didn't take long for her to become the fluffer for porn's biggest (in all senses of the word) star. After Holmes's decline, she was in high demand and often worked for porn's most famous slingers.

She was detailed to Jeremy for 2 years in the early 90's, so she is intimate with the penis in question.

"Oh yeah, I know that cock like the back of my hand. And by the back of my hand I mean that I was often looking at the back of my hand whilst stroking his cock. So yeah, I would say I saw it once or twice."

When asked about her qualification to assess the overall health and well-being of one of porn's most legendary broners, she had this to say:

  "Listen, I sucked with the best of them. I saw it all. Guys not being able to get themselves, ahh, shall we say, ready for the camera. Guys not being able to ejaculate. You name it, I saw it. I had methods to fix any problem that entered my mouth. I got so good that people started noticing and I was fortunate enough to make a career out of it. Hell, the USC Medical School gave me an honorary Doctorate in Urology five years ago!"

Photo by Dirty Bob
"Ron has always been a schlub. He has always been at least a little bit overweight. His one saving grace was that ungodly piece of meat in his pants. When I see it on camera nowadays, it doesn't give off the same sheen, the same luster. I believe this is due to Ron's lifestyle."

We could not reach Mr. Jeremy for comment, however, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie came to Jeremy's defense and called Pillows a "wackjob" and her statements "irresponsible."

"I don't take that as an insult. Yes, I am a wackjob. Literally, I wack guys off for a living. I know a cock in trouble when I see it. That's part of my job."

When asked about her ability to diagnose Mr. Jeremy without having been in physical contact with him for years, she said, "So what!? If Dr. Drew can get away with diagnosing people without ever meeting them, why am I suddenly wrong?"

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