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Bar Stars: Douchebags, Sluts, Cougars, and Creeps

Confessions of a dj

Article by Sean
We all see funny characters when we go to the bars. Whether it is just a get together with friends, watching your favorite sports team, or hitting on the hot moms that are out on cougar night. But the craziest moments usually take place at college bars. As a DJ, I’ve seen it all because we are the eyes and ears of the bar.

I DJ at a few of the bars in East Lansing, home of the rowdiest college in the world, Michigan State University. MSU really is a wild place to be. In fact, Playboy magazine refuses to list MSU in their annual issue that rates the top 10 party schools of the year. Why? Because they feel that it is unfair to put professionals on a list full of amateurs.

The bars in East Lansing get packed during the school year. When I DJ, I have to read a crowd and as I read them, I’m observing everything. For example: the one group of people that make me laugh are members of the Greek community. You see all of the douchey frat boys wearing their Brooks Brothers, polo shorts,
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Sometimes the best thing for a DJ is to take a request and throw it in the fucking trashcan.
Sperry’s, and of course their Ray Bands. These guys make me laugh because they’re all very cookie cutter. They love calling each other “bro” and do their best to hitting on women and play wingman for their friends. It’s funny watching these guys getting dolled up like girls and pathetically hitting on women with their “I’m so fucking sweet” attitude. They say that some girls try to hard, apparently the same applies for some dudes as well.

Which brings me to sororistitutes. Sorority girls are like a group of sheep. They all get dressed up in their best so they can get guys to buy them drinks while hitting on them at the bars. The best part about these bimbos is when they try to act like they are more drunk than they act. For some reason, girls think that it’s really cute when they act like they’re drunk and stupid. FYI ladies, it’s a major turn off. These girls are also really annoying when it comes to DJing because they have the dumbest requests and say the stupidest things. “Hey could you play Call me Maybe?” “I requested this song an hour ago and you haven’t played it.” “Can you play it soon? We’re leaving.” But in all honesty, as much as it annoys me to hear the dumb shit coming out of their mouths, I turn the other cheek and laugh. Sometimes the best thing for a DJ is to take a request and throw it in the fucking trashcan.

But that’s not nearly as bad as the creepers. Creepers come in all age ranges from 21-50. The funniest creepers I see are the one’s that go up to a group of dancing girls and try dancing with them, only to be shut down and cock-blocked by their friends. If any creepers are reading this, I have some advice for you: you’re not going to get laid, you will get shut down because girl’s defenses are really high when they are out at the bars. The best way to get lucky at a bar is to have the women approach you. Most of the time you will not get lucky, but keep trying because your luck will change at some point.

And finally, my favorite ones…cougars. You are more likely to get lucky with a cougar than a college girl because cougars are out on the prowl to snatch them a young guy. Cougars are much easier to talk to because when women mature they tend to settle down. They love it when a younger guy is hitting on them because it makes them feel younger. Hopefully if you’re lucky, you’ll come across a cougar and her 21-year-old daughter at the bar, and will get the dirty mother & daughter fantasy that all of us guys dream about.

Well friends, that’s all from your good old blogger Sean. My next blog, I will discuss what bar goers should never say to a DJ. Catch you on the flipside.



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