I need a husband!
I’m not being selfish. I’m thinking of everyone else. I’m trying to save lives. I need your help so I can keep my daughter from growing up with a single mom and inevitably turning to guns and violence.
I know she’s only seven right now, but it’s only a matter of time. Sure I help her with her homework every day. And yeah, I chaperone most of her field trips. I do tuck her in every night and read books with her. But none of that will keep her from shooting up her school or a movie theater. What she really, really needs is a married mom.
People are worried about cuts being made to food stamps and health care. Forget all that! And that whole issue with women making less money than men? Pisha! Why are women out working when they should be home taking care of their kids and husbands? If they don’t have kids and husbands, why aren't they looking for husbands and trying to get pregnant?!
What we really need to do is put money into dating services to help find husbands for all of the single mothers just like me. Romney has a binder full of women who are looking for work. What about a binder full of single moms who need to hurry up and get hitched? Isn’t that more important? We’re talking about the welfare of our children, the safety of our schools and playgrounds, and the very foundation of this great Christian nation!
I am so sorry that I have been misguided for so long. I can never take back all the years I forced my child to grow up in a loving single-parent home. But I can make a change today. Sign me up for Match.com, eHarmony, and ChristianSingles.com! I just know some kind, generous, and hard-working man will take pity on this poor single mother and save her child from a life of crime!