After a 20 year study, Dr. Melton J. McFickletter, PhD, Associate Professor of Environmental Science at the renowned Bigelow Institute, declared that climate change is indeed, bad.
"Unless you love more frequent and stronger hurricanes, giant tornadoes, devastating tropical storms, rising seas levels, melting icebergs and polar caps and dying animals and plant life, climate change is very bad." Dr. McFickletter proclaimed in a press conference held yesterday.
"I quote the sage, Representative Michelle Bachman (Republican) who said, "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. What the fuck?"
I heard Bill Nye, The Science Guy on the Smithsonian channel, referring to another republican genius, Representative Todd Akins, who said that Bill Nye's challenging of Creationism caused hurricanes. Nye said, "Look, these people they're fucking retarded. Rape can't cause pregnancy? Breastmilk cures homosexuality? I caused a hurricane by challenging creationism? Who can possibly take these people seriously anymore?"
Dr. McFickletter concluded, "You can not debate with stupid people. Having fucking retards in the midst is the greatest barrier to our being able to make the changes necessary to save our planet. As long as retards like Republicans are allowed to live amongst us, we will never see progress in science, evolve as a species and help save the planet from climate change."
Dr. McFickletter then ripped off shirt, showing his lack of muscle definition and sparse chest hair and said, "it is time to go gangster on these fucking retards. Get the Vaseline out ‘cause we gonna start raping their retard asses."
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