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United State of Whatever

I did not vote

Now it's no surprise that with the sixth being the election and all, that every form of social media from facebook to twitter, and even tumblr, are all buzzing with updates and posts, praise and pleas, even jokes and jests. I personally took the opportunity to not say a thing. No replies, no comments, no posts of my own. Because honestly, I have no fucks to give. Hello, and welcome... To my United State of Whatever.


Note: It was never there to begin with.


Call me cynical. No wait, don't. Call me apathetic. Possibly the most apathetic human being in existence that isn't the victim of massive brain trauma. No wait... You know what, never mind. That one's still up in the air... Regardless, and more importantly, I couldn't possibly care any less about voting, the election, the current state of the economy, nor much else for that matter. I care about the food on my plate, the beverage in my hand, and how I'm going to find enough time to cram in another re-watch of Scrubs season two. Presidential debates were never on that list. Nor was registering to vote. In fact, I found myself, if anything, aggravated, that I was asked about registering to vote when I was applying for government assistance. Voting, much like religion (as I stated in my previous article), should be my own damn business. There's no reason that when I'm registering to have a simple medical procedure done, that I should be asked my religion three times in the process. Much like how every time I've spoken to someone with the department of human services or the career center, I've been asked if I want to register to vote. Isn't there SOMEWHERE on my file, in my paperwork, where they can just put in bold print VOTING: ZERO FUCKS GIVEN.


Pictured above: Standard Procedure under my policy. Allan for President, 2016!


If I wanted to vote, don't you think I would have gone through the necessary channels to register? Don't you think, at the very least, I would have asked about it while I was there? Or for that matter, wouldn't I have done it more than a few DAYS before the election? Granted, I'm not too informed on matters of such, but would there even have been time for me to vote in this election? Even if those conversations had transpired months in the past, it really doesn't matter. Not to me, at least. Because if you haven't noticed, there's a theme here.

"Would you like to register to vote?"
"I ain't gonna be part of this system. Maaaaaaaaaan."
Really though... I just said, "No thank you."


My balls (right) compared to the average (left).


Really though, don't get the wrong impression. It has absolutely nothing to do with not being a part of the "system". I couldn't care less about fighting "the power" or not letting "the man" get me down. It's about the fact that I really just don't care. For every time that Romney or Obama put their own foots in their mouth, a countless number of people on facebook or twitter do the exact same thing in their defense. I decided long ago that common sense wasn't actually quite so common. And it's really very obvious when you pay attention to politics for five minutes. But unfortunately, politics generally have little to nothing to do with the well being of the country, nor the concerns of man. It's nothing short of a testosterone fueled dick measuring contest. Oh, sure, both of those men want to be president, of course. I mean, who doesn't? Think of the perks... Just don't be so naive to think either has our best interests at heart. It's more naive to think that any one person can sate the desires of an entire country. Sure, Romney's a sexist, narrow minded, judgemental, prejudice... Okay, well you see where I'm going with that. But it's equally true that honestly, the only thing notable of Obama that a non-political person such as myself can recall is Obamacare. Well, that and he's black. But if it's all about color, throw Bill Cosby in the White House. Pudding pops for all!

There's actually another writer on the site, Carol Powell, who wrote a very interesting article called "The Lesser of Two Evils". Obviously, it's about how stupid it is to judge your decision on which one isn't as skull fucking crazy. And she has a very valid point. So... was it wrong for me to just not vote? No, actually. Because really, same shit hole either way. Except at least I didn't have to get out and deal with the other mass of idiots stampeding for the ballots, and I say idiots because well, if the larger majority of the population had half a brain, neither candidate would have even been remotely close to winning. We should have boycotted this election like Gandhi stuck it to the British and their salt. Insert clever picture here... No? No pict-- Damnit Gandhi!!!


Good enough.


Either that, or everyone should have just have instinctively nominated Bill Cosby. Pudding pops for all!

I hate to say that this entire article is just an opinionated shpill. But yeah, really it is. There just came this point, that I heard too many borderline, clinically retarded people say too many borderline, clinically retarded things. Despair eventually gave way for apathy, and perhaps that's just my way of coping with the inevitable reality of the world devolving into a real life Idiocracy. Right wingers, Left wingers, why does the world have to be plagued by such a large, volatile concentration of extremists. Republicans, democrats, whatever. This is no difference than my religious argument of why can't we just be people. This need, this necessity, to be a part of a group. I can't fathom why it's so important. Why should you base all of your opinions on something so straight forward and narrow minded? How does it even seem reasonable to have to vote specifically for one party or the other, through and through? Sure, use them as titles. Say this guy's a democrat, this guy's republican, this guy just washes our windows and talks to his mop. Oh, right, the janitor, sorry. If you can honestly say that you have absolutely no question about every, individual topic of your party then fine. I'll throw my hands up in defeat, throw in the towel, and walk away. But only after you explain each decision thoroughly.

Everyone single person on this planet has their own mind, their own thoughts, their own gift of free will. What the world needs is for us to use that. Stop being a part of the herd. Stop being just some wandering, shambling shell, following the tides, going with the flow. I guess you could say the same of me, deciding to take my place on the sideline and not get involved either way. But hey, if shit doesn't change, this dog eat dog world is going to stay that way. I'm just trying to distance myself, so I don't get infected with whatever zombifying, mentality draining plague, which apparently sapped the life out of everyone without much notice, that's sweeping through society. It's every man for himself, apparently. Sink or swim, fly or fry. That's the reason I kept my clever remarks and witty retorts to myself, instead just rolling my eyes and closing the facebook, tumblr, and twitter tabs. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Well it's not the heat I'm worried about. It's the fact that everyone is leaving the gas on, playing with matches, and running through the house with scissors. And well... I don't want to be another civilian caught in the crossfire.

Besides, there are more enjoyable things to do with my free time than vote, and listen to debates. I've got better things to do than watch the polls, and blink blankly as candidates suck on self-produced toe jam. When I see a presidential candidate, or any candidate for any government position, that has the ability to move me, to get my attention and keep it, that's the day I'll think about voting. Hey, I just said "think". I'm not making any promises here, so don't get any funny ideas... Unless of course Bill Cosby's up for the next election. Probably not... Oh well. I'll can have my own damn pudding pops, and eat em too. All in my own, personal, United State of Whatever.


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