So, you want to date an Atheist?
Atheist dating tips.
Like a child learning to let go of the side of the swimming pool and swim, maybe you’re a Christian who is letting go of your religion and have decided to go on your first date with (gasp!) an Atheist. Or, perhaps you’re already an Atheist and you’ve just met another like-minded person and are getting ready to meet him or her for the first time. Either way, you’re already fully aware that Atheists are godless monsters who eat kittens for breakfast and the little voice of fear inside your head is shouting to be heard over your excitement and you’re wondering what to do. Sarcasm aside, the voice of reason you’re hearing should absolutely be heeded. Whenever you meet anyone for the first time, your first concern should always be safety, no matter how long it may have been since you’ve gotten laid.
Here are some tips which should help you to avoid winding up in a freezer in someone’s basement, or worse, as an embarrassing memory in the basement of the other person’s mind:
- Meet in a public place. I know; besides just being common sense, you’ve probably heard it fifteen times already, this week, but it bears repeating. It obviously bears repeating because we’re still hearing of people who have disappeared while meeting someone for the first time in an abandoned warehouse or empty Laundromat at 2:00 am. Those of us who are lucky enough to live in a place like Las Vegas always have lots of options, day or night. But what’s one to do when living in Coso Junction, CA? (The last time I went through Coso Junction, there was a sign at the edge of the community that listed the population at 9 and it looked like the kind of place where everything was closed by 9, too). There are always the old stand-bys: bars, coffee shops and restaurants/diners. Personally, I recommend staying away from these high-pressure situations. Dinner as a first date always feels like a prolonged job interview, plus food. If you want a unique experience, one that will stand apart from your potentially-active date’s other experiences, try something with external focus. Find some place that has to do with a common interest you may have. For intellectuals, the local museum is the obvious choice. Do you share a great sense of humor? Try meeting at a local stand-up comedy open-mike night. Maybe you both love music, but there isn’t another Justin Bieber concert coming your way for a few months, yet. You two will very likely enjoy a nice evening at your local karaoke bar far more, anyway, regardless of the sad old lady’s rendition of “Only You”.
- This brings us to number 2. Drink. In. Moderation. I can not emphasize this enough. Not only is it a safety strategy to maintain at least a semi-clear head throughout your first evening with someone about whom you know almost nothing, it’s common sense. Maybe you’re going with the agenda of “gettin’ some” and really don’t care whether getting drunk will lead to a regrettable morning-after syndrome. Fine. You’re a slut. I get it. And more power to you. But consider this: The chances of being called back for a second round go up tremendously if you haven’t spent the evening making a fool of yourself. “I can handle my liquor,” are famous last words. Let me assure you that every drunk moron you’ve ever run into, every urine-drenched chowderhead that has thrown up five cups of Jagermeister all over you or into their car, every otherwise respectable person who has woken up next to someone with whom they had no intention of sleeping has shared that mantra with you. Limit your alcohol intake and drink slowly and be sure to drink some water as well. Besides, shouldn’t you be paying attention to your date? You’ve gone to lengths, trying to meet this person and now you’re trying to see whether the two of you are compatible in person. That’s a little difficult to do when you’re staring at the toilet bowl.
- Go ahead and flirt a little! It’s a date. When you do approach each other for the first time, try kissing the other person on the cheek. This sets the tone of the date and lets the other person know that you’re confident-both in yourself and in your decision to meet them. Once you’ve gotten this first step out of the way, finding something to talk about will come a lot more easily.
- Cross that bridge when you get to it. It really, really is OK-even preferable to have some limits-whether you prefer to think that your limits are a result of rational thinking or your moral compass, there really is nothing wrong with saying “No” on the first date. Most guys really will respect that, and the rest of them aren’t worth your time, anyway. But coming out and laying the “ground rules” or giving a “heads-up” about how there shall be no sex before you are good and ready is bound to find you never getting to that point. By letting your amorous friend know, up front, that there is no pot of gold at the end of tonight’s rainbow, not only do you potentially take the wind out of his/her sails, but it also shows a certain degree of presumptuousness. Not only are you presuming that the decision will be up to you because your date is already struggling to contain their desire, but you’re presuming that your date is the kind of person who hasn’t already taken manners and etiquette into consideration. What kind of jerk do you think he (or she) is, anyway?
- Be yourself. It’s been said that when two people meet, they aren’t, in fact meeting each other, but the representatives that those people have designated to negotiate the task. I am in no way suggesting that you don’t wear make-up-regardless of whether you’re a woman or a man, if that’s your thing. Of course you should look your best. On the other hand, don’t say I didn’t warn you if you date Romney-style. By that, I mean that you pander to your date’s points of view or mood and change your own points of view to coincide with that of your date’s. For example, If you hate Green Day and your date arrives, wearing a Green Day T-shirt, I recommend:
A) Avoiding talking about Green Day (at least for now) or
B) Voicing your true opinion.
Remember kids, Integrity counts. If the two of you hit it off and they find out later down the line that you would rather dig your brain out of your head through your nose than listen to “Time of Your Life” one more time, and they remember what your wore on your first date (my wife does) that’s going to automatically raise questions about whether you can be trusted when you call to cancel or postpone a date because you need to take your pet lizard to the vet. At the very least, don’t disrespect their intelligence. If you use the old “lizard-has-to-go-to-the-vet rouse, at least buy a lizard first.
Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for our next installment. We’ll cover five more tips for your first date. Be sure and contact either Alisha or me with any questions or comments, or feel free to leave them here! We’re almost always around and are always happy to speak directly with you. Cheers!